


I Can't Say That I Love You

by baeconandeggs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 20:25:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6768718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One mistake, two broken hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Say That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to use a different kind of concept for this special fic of mine, which involves a lot of flashback scenes. It might get slightly confusing, but just to help you out, the font in italics and aligned to the right, shows the flashback scene. I hope you’ll enjoy the story, despite its heavy angst.

  


_(Three months ago) There was a comfortable silence, with the accompaniment of the soft orchestral tune seeping through the speakers of the lift. Baekhyun fumbled with the little pink slip of paper between his fingers as he felt his heart beating fast, awaiting for what was to happen next. Baekhyun had come home to the little piece of pink paper slipped in between the hinges of his door. ‘Grandeurs Hotel, 8:00pm. Room #2808. The door is unlocked.’ It was scribbled in scrawny handwritings in the centre of the paper. It was undeniable that Baekhyun had spent five years of his life, mastering the skill of deciphering the unfathomable chicken scratch alphabets, whenever his boyfriend would send him love letters that he would occasionally slip beneath his dormitory door. The owner of this letters were no other than, Park Chanyeol. Chanyeol wasn’t as popular as the jocks, as smart as the scholars in college, neither was he as rich as the preppy students that struts down the hallways adorning expensive leather bag. Despite all that he was lacking, there was no denying that he was most definitely well loved by everybody he met. Their love story, was nothing far from being cliché. Baekhyun and Chanyeol relationship become the envy and admiration of everybody, for they were what you would call ‘the perfect couple’. Time passed by quickly, and their relationship remained stronger as ever despite graduating and getting their own jobs and moving out into their own apartments. Finally, the lift stopped at the 28th floor. As the lift doors opened, revealing dark red rose petals and scented candles that were neatly placed on the floor, forming a path that led further into the dimly lit penthouse. The place, illuminated with a gentle glow from the candles. Awestruck by the preparations before him, Baekhyun took tiny careful steps into the penthouse, eyes trailing the self-made pathway for him. The echoes of his footsteps sliced through the silence of the room, as Baekhyun walked passed the living room and onto the steps that led to the bedrooms above. He could feel his heart thumping harder in his chest, for every step he took. The trail of candles and rose petals ended at the front of the bedroom door. Hands trembling and clammy, Baekhyun turned the knob of the door and was left speechless. No words could describe what he was feeling at the point in time. His eyes welled up with tears, as his vision blurred. Chanyeol, dressed in a black shirt, a size too small for his now lean body, tucked into tight tapered jeans. His ash grey hair, styled nicely, as his fringe hung loosely above his eyes. Chanyeol stood right before him, holding a bouquet of bright red roses and a white satin banner that hung above him – ‘I love you. Will you marry me, Baekhyun?’ The city lights, glimmering in the background, an illusion of a bokeh effect as the city lights went out of focus due to his hazy visions. Baekhyun wiped away the tears that threatened to fall as he watched Chanyeol, one knee on the ground fumbling with the red velvety box that he held in his other hand; biting the edge of his lips, as Chanyeol clumsily opened the box that held a silver ring, with a small diamond stone buried within the metal. “Baekhyun, remember the first time we’ve met? The way you smiled at me, your eyes crinkling at the corners when you laughed, I was awestruck to be honest. Never have I met such a beautiful being. Then onwards, I’ve made a promise to myself that I had to get you. You had to be mine to keep, forever. I’m still trying to fulfil that promise to myself, I don’t want to lose you, I loved you too much, rather I want to start a new life together with you, be there for you through sickness and health. I promise to cherish you with all my heart, and live happily together till death. So, would-would you marry me, Byun Baekhyun?”_

Baekhyun paced around the hotel room, picking up the clothes that were strewn carelessly on the floor. His back was aching as the pain ran through his spine, with every movement he took. A teardrop escapes the confines of his eyelids, as his eyes caught sight of the silver band of metal that rolled out of his pants pockets. Hastily wiping the tears off his dampened cheeks, Baekhyun was in disarray as he wore the now crumpled black shirt and tight tapered jeans. Not bothering with some of the buttons of his shirt, Baekhyun walked over to the bar counter, pulling out a bottle of wine, while downing some of its contents down his throat. The red liquid slightly stinging the sides of his throat, the wine that was sweet yet with a tinge of bitterness that lingers spreads through his mouth almost as distasteful as his already wrecked relationship. The city lights, a reminisce of the day he was proposed, the start of what should have been a beautiful relationship, greeted him as he stood by the large window before him. The man stirred in his sleep, fully awake as soon as he felt the empty space by his side. A sigh of relieve left his lips when he caught sight of Baekhyun by the window, staring into the horizon of the busy night life below them.

“Hey, what are you doing there? Come join me in bed…” breaking the little train of thoughts that lingered within Baekhyun’s already cluttered mind. At the sound of the husky deep voice, Baekhyun turned his attention to the handsome looking lad in all his glory within the thin bedsheets. A smirk crept up the side of Baekhyun’s lips, as he placed the wine bottle down on the glass table. Grabbing his belongings by the side table, his gaze returned to the now confused man, his expression one of disappointment.

“Now, that you’re awake; I shall take my leave. Thanks for tonight. You’re a great guy, really. But, I don’t develop any sort of relationships with my one night stands. Don’t worry about the room, it’s all on me.” He strutted out of the room, keeping a strong front while ignoring the pain that crept up his back, unwilling to show his weakness to any stranger that lingered around him. A common routine he had being doing for the past few months.  


_They were going to get married. The preparations were made without a fuss, and the flowers were carefully chosen, going with the pure white and burgundy hydrangeas. Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol wanted a simple wedding, inviting only close relatives and friends. A celebration far from being too grand nor too shabby. It was just a few days to the wedding and their closest friends from college had planned a separate bachelor’s night out for both the love birds, separating them from the confines of each other for the night. No doubt, Chanyeol was worried for what was to come in the next few hours. He sighed as a strong feeling of reluctance stayed within him, an intuition that maybe, just maybe they would both skip the bachelor’s night and opt to spending another night together, watching random cheesy chick flicks that were playing on cable or cuddle on the bed enjoying each other’s warmth. “Chanyeol, how do I look? Is it too much for a bachelor’s night out?” Baekhyun was standing before him, eyes reflecting one of concern as he saw the sudden change in Chanyeol’s expression. Chanyeol found himself tongue-tied as he took in the beauty before him. Baekhyun, enticing him in a tight navy blue V-necked t-shirt and black tapered jeans. His collarbones slightly exposed, and his hair styled messily. Baekhyun’s eyes appeared seductive with the accompaniment of the eyeliner that was drawn. Just when Chanyeol thought Baekhyun couldn’t get any more irresistible than he already was, his lifelong partner decided to prove that fact wrong. “Chanyeol…baby? Is it that bad?” Without much thoughts, Chanyeol stood up from the bed that he was sitting on, and took slow steps towards his soon-to-be-husband, his gaze not leaving Baekhyun’s. Chanyeol wrapped his arms around the small, petite waist, pulling him towards his own, inhaling the perfume that seemed all so familiar, dipping his head into the crook of Baekhyun’s neck – leaving gentle feathery kisses along the exposed skin. “How ‘bout we both stay here and have our own bachelor party in this very room? Just you and me. I don’t think I would be willing to you let you out of my sight, dressed like this. Everybody would be able to take a glimpse of what should only be seen by my eyes.” Chanyeol’s voice, deep and husky, echoed in Baekhyun’s ears, causing the latter to shudder under his tight hold. “Chanyeol, behave yourself. We can do that, after the bachelor’s party.” He smirked. Chanyeol remained silent as his hold onto Baekhyun tightened, nuzzling his nose onto Baekhyun’s own. “Chanyeol, I believe this isn’t just about my choice of clothes. There’s something else that’s bothering you. I know you so well, Chanyeol. C’mon, tell me, what’s wrong baby?” Baekhyun tilted Chanyeol’s head, their eyes meeting each other’s. “I have a bad feeling about tonight…I don’t want anything to happen between us.” “Nothing is going to happen tonight. We’ve been together for years now; I trust you enough to know that you won’t hurt me. I am marrying you because I know you’ll never hurt me in any way. We’ll just go out, meet our friends and have a couple of drinks, that’s all. Nothing too crazy. Let’s make a promise to each other on that, alright? Nothing too crazy, tonight. I’ll be home early. I promise.” Baekhyun kissed him on the lips, before beaming a smile that could melt away even the coldest of hearts._

Chanyeol was sitting by the bar table of the club, alone with an unpatched heart. Anger boiled through him as he reminisce those days when everything was smooth sailing, and their relationship was unbreakable. If only he knew better, he would have just stayed back at their shared apartment while awaiting for Baekhyun’s return. If only he was given the chance to rewind time back to the night two days before their wedding. He downed shots after shots of vodka, while shouting for more, the bartender giving him worried looks. He wanted to drown the pain he felt with alcohol, in an attempt to numb the pain replacing them with the stinging burnt feeling as the alcohol flowed down his throat. It was a one-time mistake, which lead to the tragedy they caught themselves in. His phone blinked furiously, as the multiple calls went unanswered. He stared at the phone screen, tears falling into the glass bar table, as he stared at the smiling Baekhyun on the phone screen.

He felt hands on his shoulders, shrugging it off in retaliation.

“Chanyeol, I think you’ve had enough drinks for tonight. C’mon let me bring you home.”

“Fuck off, Chen.”

“Chanyeol, I need you to stop being such an asshole and heed my advice for once. As your best friend, I can’t see you like this. You’re only making the situation worse.”

“I can’t savage a relationship that no longer has any hope. We’re done. Both of us are mere strangers living under the same roof, keeping an act in front of our parents. In another few months, we’re getting a divorce. That’s it. Now, leave me alone. I don’t need anybody in this world. Not you, not Baekhyun either.”  


_It was 1:00am in the morning when Baekhyun stumbled into their shared apartment, mind still hazy from the effects of the alcohol, but still sober enough to comprehend the situation around him. Trying to stabilize his footings against the cool marbled floors, Baekhyun fingers frantically gripped tightly onto the railings by the walls, using it as a support. It was no doubt that he enjoyed his bachelor night, spent with his closest of friends; a few guys hitting on him on the dance floor, but instantly backed away when they caught sight of the metal band around his slender fingers. Baekhyun may or may not have intentionally made the ring a little too obvious, displaying the gleaming metal band in clear plain sight to those that tried to make a move on him. The night was still young, but he didn’t intend on staying too long in the club, hoping to continue the celebrations back home, together with his fiancé. But to his dismay, Chanyeol wasn’t back home. Baekhyun dropped himself onto the comfortable sofa, before pulling out his phone, fingers naturally dialling Chanyeol’s number. It took a few rings before the noisy background of the club blasted through the speakers of the phone, Baekhyun too drunk to even bother about the loud bass that overpowered the voice coming from the other side. The muffled voice and loud noises in the background worsened the migraine in his head. “Chanyeol, baby. I’m home. I need you…” he ended the call before mindlessly throwing it against the brown leather sofa, the phone bounced against the cushions and dropped onto the ground. Baekhyun was getting really tired, drained even from all the partying. His eyelids became heavier, and it didn’t took him long before Baekhyun fell into a deep slumber, his head leaning against the cushion._

Chanyeol’s body slumped against the door of his apartment. Shoes carelessly strewn to a corner of the space, as he tumbled through the short hallway that led to the living room. The house was dark and cold, missing the warmth it used to hold. The beeping sound of the front door being unlocked resonated throughout the house, and he could see a dark figure, clothes ruffled and his hair unkempt and messy, appearing by the entrance.

“Look who’s home. Had enough fun sleeping around, whore?” his words a slur, as anger boiled through him at the thought of the guys he once used to love, touched by another man.

“It’s none of your fucking business.”

“Well too bad, princess. You’re still married to me, so whether you like it or not, it is my fucking business.” Baekhyun ignored him and walked past Chanyeol towards his room, only to be pulled back and pushed against the wall. Baekhyun winced at the stinging pain, his lower body still not yet recovered from his earlier midnight rendezvous. 

“Don’t fucking ignore me. Answer me, whore.” Their faces were so close, only a thin gap of air serving as a barrier between them. Anyone else in the room, would have felt the sexual tension that became too overwhelming, despite the rage they both had for each other. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were too blinded by the hatred, that it made them oblivious and ignorant to their true feelings. 

“Look here, Park Chanyeol, we may be legally married but that doesn’t mean you have every control over me and what I decide to do for myself. We agreed to live our separate lives, and I’m merely doing that! It hurts to have a taste of your own medicine doesn’t it, baby?” through gritted teeth, Baekhyun hissed every word out, seething in anger. The grip around him loosened, as he pushed Chanyeol off him. The loud slam of the door ranged throughout the apartment. Chanyeol felt like he was on the verge of insanity. 

Baekhyun felt sick. Behind the closed doors, loud smashing of vases echoed and the constant banging of Chanyeol’s fist against the walls. It hurt him badly. The thought of Chanyeol hurting himself, pierced deeply through him and it made him feel sick. Sick to his guts. He felt nauseous, and rushed to the bathroom, quickly bending against the toilet bowl while throwing out what was left in him. His strong façade had long faded, and what’s left was someone weak and helpless. He was stupid into believing that he was alright, and he could move on without him. A world where Chanyeol hadn’t existed in his life. Baekhyun laid his back against the cool tiled bathroom floor, staring at the bright fluorescent lights above him, wishing he could just – disappear.  


_It was quiet, only the sound of the incessant ticking of the clock broke the silence. The sun was up and bright rays seeped through the light day curtains, illuminating the living room with a faint white hue. Hungover, and mouth that reeked of alcohol, Baekhyun stood up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen to wash away the horrid taste lingering within his mouth before downing a pill and cooled water to rid of the damned ache ringing in his mind. It was 8.00am in the morning. Visions still in a blur, Baekhyun walked back towards the hallway that led to their shared bedroom. The house seemed oddly quiet, too quiet for his own liking. Soft cotton was felt on the tips of his toes. As his visions cleared, Baekhyun was caught by surprise. Surprise being a word that does not do justice to what he actually felt. Hurt being too little to express his pain. Black ladies lingerie were scattered along the hallways and clothes were mindlessly strewn. Clothes that were familiar for his own good. They belonged to Chanyeol. “No, Chanyeol, please…no.” Baekhyun took careful steps towards the shared bedroom, heart thumping loudly as his fingers wrapped around the bronze doorknob. His words were caught, as he felt himself suffocating. Blood drained out of his face, and his petite fingers curled tightly together, the crystals on his ring, slightly piercing through his skin, probably leaving a dent after. Chanyeol was lying naked in the bed they shared, and a girl wrapped tightly in his arms. No explanations were required, and he clearly knew what happened. His soon to be husband, had slept with someone else. “You fucking bastard.” Baekhyun stormed off their shared bedroom, grabbed his keys, leaving the apartment. Hours passed, and night time falls. The bustling nightlife defined the streets of Seoul. There were many unanswered missed calls by Chanyeol, but Baekhyun didn’t bother on picking them up. He was heartbroken and he felt cheated. Their wedding were in two days’ time, and what he seemed was a perfect relationship, were now in ruins. Yes, Chanyeol was drunk, it was no way to blame him entirely. Even so, Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to forgive him. Reasons as to why, still remained unanswered for the past few hours. Baekhyun drunkenly stumbled through the hallways, struggling with balancing himself as his mind was messing around his visions. The walls, supporting his entire body, preventing himself from falling flat against the cold and dirty floor. “Baekhyun, where were you? I’ve been waiting for you for the past few hours, I’ve called you so many times, and why didn’t you pick them up?” Chanyeol that was crouching by the front door of their apartment stood up in a hurry as he took large steps towards Baekhyun, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun only to be shoved away. “Don’t. Fucking. Touch me, bastard.” “Baekhyun. W-why are you like this?” His face reflecting one of a mixture of guilt and worry. “Don’t talk like you don’t know shit.” Baekhyun slurred, while still under the heavy influence of alcohol. He fumbled with the buttons on the digital lock, and what was supposed to be an easy task, became extremely tiring and burdensome. Chanyeol, stood rooted in his spot as he watched the younger and smaller lad having trouble with the lock. “Fuck.” Cusses left Baekhyun’s lips as he leaned helpless by the side of the door. Chanyeol lightly nudged him away and easily unlocked the door, and with timid attempts to hold onto Baekhyun’s hands to invite him in. Much to his dismay, Baekhyun retracted his hands aggressively and glared at Chanyeol’s own distressed face. “Baekhyun, don’t do this to me. Please.” Tears escaped and dampening Chanyeol’s cheeks. Baekhyun scoffed. “Tell that to that slut that was in your arms. I didn’t know you were interested in females. Dicks ain’t satisfying to you now I see?” “B-Baekhyun, I’m sorry.” “Too late. I trusted you, and you broke that trust.”…”Listen, if you think I might cancel this dumb marriage of ours, don’t worry, I won’t. The marriage will proceed. Don’t want to embarrass our families now do we? …But, don’t expect us to be married for long either. When the time is right, a few months after our marriage, we are getting a divorce.” “Baekhyun, I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry, I was drunk. I should have not went damn it!” “It doesn’t even matter now, you’ve lost me.” His face expressionless, if not, one of mockery, he walked off to the guest rooms only to be pulled back by Chanyeol. “Don’t fucking touch me.” He hissed as he pulled his wrists away from Chanyeol’s strong grasp. “We are just strangers living under one roof. I’ll happily live my life the way it should be – without you.”_

It was morning, and Baekhyun was brewing his coffee, while making himself a light breakfast before heading off to work early that morning. The house was still in a distraught condition, broken pieces of the vase on the floor and pillows were strewn messily around the living room. 

“Good Morning.” A deep voice startled Baekhyun from his reverie, as he stood by the kitchen counter, grabbing himself a mug of hot brewing coffee. Baekhyun kept his silence, his movements hastier and his grip around the hot steaming mug of coffee tightened. He wasn’t ready to have a confrontation with the baritone voiced male, especially not after their little quarrel the night before. Despite his reluctance, it felt inappropriate and impolite to not acknowledge the said greeting, as Chanyeol kept his lingering gaze on him. 

Despite the heavy aura of overwhelming tension in the air, he breathed out between gritted teeth, a low morning greeting in reply, only audible in the dead silence of the room. Silence ensued in the kitchen, as Chanyeol’s vision lingered on Baekhyun’s fingers. A deep grunt sprouted within Chanyeol, as his gaze remained on the now bare fingers of his fiancé, one that was lacking the similar pair of white gold band around his ring finger.

“Could you quit staring at me?” Baekhyun barked out, while slamming his fist hard against the marble table top.  
“Where is your wedding ring, Baekhyun?” voice bitter and sauntering on the verge of disappointment and irritation. On impulse, Baekhyun hid his hands behind his back and dumped the remains of his drink into the sink, his appetite for breakfast rapidly fading away. 

“It’s none of your business. Besides, it’s just a meaningless piece of junk.” Baekhyun felt apathetic and scoffed, before grabbing his suitcase and taking quick steps towards the front door, knowing well enough where the conversation was heading towards. However, Baekhyun attempts to escape was in vain as he felt a strong grip wrapped around his wrist, pulling him back, causing him to stumble back by a few steps. 

“Let. Go.” He was seething mad. Anger boiling within him as he glared towards the stronger male standing a mere centimetre radius from him. It was inevitable for the male to be aware that he would not cave in.

“ _None of my business?_ You’re telling me, that our marriage is none of my business?”…”Byun Baekhyun, look at me when I’m talking to you.” All the pent up anger was let loose, as Baekhyun snapped his head towards Chanyeol’s direction, staring straight into the pair of eyes that now seemed unfamiliar, one that he wasn’t used to. Eyes that once were laced with love and passion was now hidden in the shadows and replaced with dejection. 

“That very night when you cheated on me was when you lost your every right to interfere in what I do with myself. Hence, yes, it’s none of your damn fucking business.” Many have said that the eyes were the window to one’s soul, and Baekhyun could see why. The man that stood before him, as he watch his bold stance falter and guilt splayed across his eyes. Tears welled up at the edge of his eyes, watching as a drop of his tears slid down his cheeks. Not a single syllable left either one of their lips, and it wasn’t long before the grip around Baekhyun’s wrist loosened. Chanyeol’s arms fell dejectedly to his side as he looked away. 

The door to their apartment shut close and Chanyeol was left alone in the cold apartment. 

**_‘I still love you, Baekhyun.’_ **

The early morning breeze combed through the soft locks of Baekhyun’s hair as he stepped out of the building. His fingers gripping tightly to the bag in his hands, and his free hands naturally wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall from the corner of his eyes. It was definitely not a pleasant way to start one’s morning, but Baekhyun knew he had to suck it up and pushed his crumbling feelings aside and make it through the rest of the day, looking perfectly fine. A buzzing sound from deep within his pockets broke his reverie.  
_‘From: Baozi_

_Dude, stop daydreaming and start paying attention. I’ve been shouting at you for the past couple of…seconds?’_

A smile stretched across his face as a bright red car drove past him, stopping a couple of steps in front of him. His best friend, popped his head out with an expression of amusement as he urged him to get into the car.

“How ‘bout some coffee? You sure do like you need a really strong one.”

“Definitely. Not going to turn down such good offer, Baozi.” Chuckling, Minseok swerved the red convertible onto the road and cruised off to the café they frequent on lazy Mondays.

It wasn’t long before they stepped into the vintage looking café, with the fresh fragrance of brewed coffee beans and the morning hustle and bustle crowd of office workers getting themselves a cup before starting their day. Settling themselves at a corner of the café after having ordered coffee and sandwiches to go for the sides. 

“So, now that we’re all settled and comfortable, would you care to explain why you were so out of it earlier?”

“It’s the same old thing every single day, and today wasn’t any different.”

“You know, the both of you used to be the sweetest couple, we couldn’t stand two feet near you guys without puking all over the floor at the amount of mushiness both you exuded. We knew that the day would come, you’ll get married, adopt cute babies and continue jumping over clouds of glitters and rainbows as if nothing in this world would be able to pull you apart from each other. I guess we thought wrong. Sad isn’t it.”

“Sad indeed. Well, nothing last forever, Minseok. Enough talk about me. How ‘bout you and _your_ love life? Good…bad?”

“Excuse you Mr. Byun but I’m currently having the time of my life. We’re getting married, next week. And a matter of fact, you’re invited.”

“There’s two invitation cards.”

“Chen invited Chanyeol as well. He told me to pass them to you, since he couldn’t make it down to personally hand it to Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s a good friend of his and it will completely sadden him if his best man wasn’t at the wedding. You, Baekhyun, shall be nice and behave because it’s my special day.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“You will be there. Chanyeol will be there and that’s final. Or, I could easily fire you from the company. I’m still your boss and this is an order.” A smug smile plastered at the corner of his mouth before taking a sip of his coffee while being entertained by the latter’s glare. 

“You can’t just fire me without any proper reason, idiot.”

“Oh, try me Mr. Byun. I dare you.”

-

It was inevitable to deny the fact that Baekhyun wasn’t nervous at putting up the act in front of their close friends and their families. Nobody knew what happened behind closed doors. For his relationship with Chanyeol was crumbling into pieces. In the public’s eyes, they were the perfect couple. Making final touches to the tie that hung tightly around his neck, grabbing his belongings and their little gift for the couple, Baekhyun left his room only to bump into a startled Chanyeol.

“Oh, you-you’re ready. I-I was just about to check on you…yeah, let-let’s leave.” A wine red tie laid carelessly on the floor left unnoticed by Chanyeol as he turned and left the apartment hastily, leaving behind an equally confused Baekhyun. He picked up the abandoned tie, and stuffed it in his pocket before catching up with his husband. The same wine red coloured silk handkerchief that peeked out of Chanyeol’s breast pocket didn’t went unnoticed by Baekhyun, as the pad of his fingertips played around with the smooth material of the tie that was tucked deep in his pocket. The drive to the venue didn’t took them quite long, as the silence brood over between them. 

“So, did you bring the gift?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s great. It’s nice to finally see-“

“Look, Chanyeol, I’m not really interested in having a conversation right now. Let’s just get to the wedding quietly, put up an act in front of everybody, leave and get back to our usual lifestyle. Doesn’t mean I have to ruin someone else’s wedding day, just because I didn’t get mine, right?” Baekhyun stepped out of the car, taking rapid steps towards the wedding hall, seeing the line of guests waiting to enter. Chen was seen standing by the door, looking good in his black suit, dress shoes and well-groomed hair. His smile was radiating with glee as his eyes were in contact with Baekhyun’s.

Blue and burgundy hydrangeas arranged in exquisite crystal vases lined the tables that were draped with ivory silk tablecloth. Guests were dressed to their fines in pressed up suits and pastel coloured dresses as families and friends of the grooms mingled around and coming up with small talks. Baekhyun pushed himself through the throng of crowd, after his short greeting with Chen before the latter got occupied with Chanyeol. The loud chatters mutes into the background as he slowly approach the groom’s dressing room located on the further end of the building. A few knocks against the large white wooden doors before he spots his best friend, adjusting his bowtie and suit, shaking himself off the jitters that coursed through him. 

“Hey there, handsome.” Tapping lightly against the shoulder pads while chuckling lightly as he watched his friend jumped at the sudden gesture. 

“Baekhyun, thank goodness you’re here. I’m nervous and I don’t think I can walk down that aisle without tripping myself over and making a complete utter fool of myself.” Grabbing Baekhyun by his shoulders tightly, face dripping with exasperation.

“Baozi, chill out. You’re not going to trip over anything. If you do, stand up and pull your shit together. No big deal.” Cracking up at the mere thought of his best friend miseries on his wedding day.

“Not funny Baekhyun. I’m serious here!”

“Fine…fine, I was just trying to make you loosen up. C’mon it’s not so bad, you’re bound to feel nervous on your wedding day – Listen, when you just take a glimpse at the way he looks at you walking down that aisle, like you’re his entire universe, all your worries and fears, all of them would just be replaced with sweet memories and how much you’ve been through together to get to where you are right now. Trust me on this, that everything would be fine.” He smiled genuinely although there was a tinge of sadness and guilt disguised behind those sincere words. 

**_‘You still love him, you idiot.’_ **

“Hey, Baekhyun. C’mon let me give you a hug.”…”Thank you for being here today, it means a lot to me. To Jongdae as well.” 

“That’s what best friends are for, right Baozi?” 

“You know, it’s about time you stop calling me that, idiot.” Baekhyun ignored his friend’s rambles as he fumbled with the tie in his hands, eyes focusing on the knot he was working on.

“Nice tie you got there.”

“Oh, thanks.” 

In between small talks and little jokes, there was a knock on the door, and Minseok’s mother, dress elegantly in a rich burgundy dress walked through.

“Honey, it’s time.” 

-

They walked along side each other stopping momentarily by the end of the aisle, giving his best friend a final hug for support before making his way through to sit along with the other guests, spotting Chanyeol by the front, an empty space left by his side. He straightened the wine red tie that hung around his collar before reluctantly, he slid into the space, keeping his expression cold and vacant. Noticing the discrete glances Chanyeol was giving him and the tie that he was wearing. 

-  


_Baekhyun walked down the aisle, his eyes wandering away from meeting his soon-to-be husband own, the one that broke his heart days before the wedding, but he had to put up a front, for the sake of their families, and potential business partners that were ecstatic at the news of the only sons and heir from the Park’s and Byun’s getting married. They were the ideal couple, envied by many. Deep down, how he wished he could erased what had happened between them, and have the wedding he had dreamt of for many years. This was his wedding for god sake, and he wasn’t happy. Tears welled up his eyes as he took a step up to stand in front of Chanyeol. “Park Chanyeol, do you take Byun Baekhyun, to be your lawfully wedded husband and promise to be true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honour for the rest your life?” “I do.” “Byun Baekhyun, do you take Park Chanyeol, to be your lawfully wedded husband and promise to be true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honour for the rest of your life?” “I do.”_

Baekhyun watched both of his friends utter their vows before the crowds burst into a round of applause and cheered for the newly-weds as the couple kissed each other. He snapped himself out of his little reverie before wiping the tears that threatened to fall onto his cheeks. Hastily he stood up and left the venue, to take a breather before heading in to meet the newly-weds. He watched as the guests slowly made their way to the dining hall. It wasn’t long till he felt the vibration from the pocket of his dress pants.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe, are you free tonight?” A husky deep voice echoed through his ears, and a smirk crept up his face. He needed a distraction, and here was an opportunity he wouldn’t let it slip past. Husband be damned. He was going to have some fun tonight.

“Kai, meet me at my apartment later tonight. I’ll be waiting for you.” 

-

It was a quarter past eleven. The pad of his fingers pressed against the glaring buttons on the lock, before it beeped open and the dead silence from the room was soon slowly eating him alive. Stumbling into the dark apartment, he failed to realise another pair of shoes by the door that didn’t belong to neither one of them. Tie hung loose around his neck and sleeves of his shirt folded and pushed till his elbows. The wedding ended late and he decided to stay behind to catch up with his friends. On the other hand, Baekhyun decided to leave early, saying that he was tired, taking the car along with him. Throat feeling parched from the lack of liquid, reluctantly dragging his lifeless self into the empty dark corridor. The rustling sounds followed by the soft moans that sounded familiar to the ears didn’t go amiss. One that he have engraved in his mind.

“Kai…keep it down. He might h-hear you. Oh…god.”

“Let him. I want him to hear you scream my name. Out. Loud.”

“Fuck…Kai…faster.”

“Look at you. Begging me to fuck you so hard, like that little slut you are, baby.” The entire hallway was filled with their grunts and deep throated moans. Chanyeol’s fingers were curled into a fist as he tried to withstand the weight of his body against the edge of the door. A tear escaped the corner of his eyes, and the feelings that were long contained within him broke away from its confines, the hurt slowly piercing through what was left of him. It was then did he realise he couldn’t carry on the torture any longer. 

**_‘This was all my fault. Mine. There was nobody else to blame.’_ **

Baekhyun, which was once his. He ruined it all. Imageries of Baekhyun’s smile, laughter and the sweet memories that had together flashed across his mind like a broken record. Loving words that were whispered into each other’s ears, the very day he kneeled before the love of his life, to propose to him. To make him his. To finally have someone he calls his own and have a life to build together. But all that, was taken away within a flash. He couldn’t remember how or when he have managed to find the blade that was held tightly within his palms. Fingers grasping tightly around the penknife, slowly cutting deep through the flesh of his pale skin. Blood oozing out, and the stinging pain running deep within him. However, the pain wasn’t excruciating enough when compared to the pain he was feeling inside. The pain of losing him. 

One cut, two cuts, three, four…and it goes on. Blood dripped against the white tile of the sink. Staining it with a tinge of red. Six. Six cuts deeply engraved against my wrist before dropping the blade carelessly into the sink. Chanyeol was crushed. Breaking down, feeling as if his whole world was shattered. 

Morning came by quickly, sunlight seeped through the little opening of the window, bright pale yellow hues shone against Chanyeol’s eyes, waking him up slowly from his unconscious state. The white towel tightly wrapped around his arm was now stained with blotches of red. A deep migraine shot through his head, and the cool tiles of the floor was no doubt getting uncomfortable. Slowly but staggering, Chanyeol tried to keep his balance using the tub as a support to hold himself up from the floor. Images from last night, flashed through his haphazard mind, as he took small steps towards the door that was unlocked. Unwilling to turn around to the corner of the hallway where Baekhyun’s room was located, with hesitation, walked towards the kitchen to grab some water to cool down the painful and parched throat. However, the thought of avoiding his uninvited guest seemed impossible as footsteps were heard coming from the hallway, and a blonde haired lad, handsomely tan and tall, dressed in a black sweater paired with jeans that accentuate his long legs nicely, a smirk plastered on his face, walked out towards the front door. In contrast to himself, looking like an utter complete disarray.

“You’re Park Chanyeol, aren’t you? I’m Kai. Nice to finally meet you.” An expression of amusement and haughtiness was evident before he turned away and left, closing the front door behind him. 

Words weren’t enough to explain the sudden waft of anger that sprouted from within him as he watch the cocky bastard walked out the door without a tinge of remorse or guilt. Gone was the glass that was held between his fingers, splinters of glass scattered out in a frantic mess across the marble table top. He couldn’t put up with this act to see this go on any longer, for he felt like he was on the verge of losing his mind. It was then, that he knew avoiding was no longer an option. He found himself at the foot of his husband’s bed, heart wrenching at the sight that stood before him. The ruffle of the white sheets were reminders of the latter’s little midnight rendezvous, his clothes strewn around the floor, the lingering stench of sex within the air and the disposed soiled condoms and tissues carelessly thrown in the waste basket. Evidences that were a reminder of the pain he felt a mere hours ago. The bathroom clicked open, and Baekhyun stood wrapped in a white bathrobe, hair dripping wet from the shower.

“What are you doing here?” voice far from being surprise by his sudden visit.

“Who was that man? Are you testing my patience Baekhyun?”

“Testing your patience? Looks like someone’s feeling uptight. Does it even surprise you anymore that I’m sleeping around with other men? You obviously had no qualms about it when you brought that girl back.” He smirked.

“That was in the past! It was a mistake! Why can’t you understand that? I love you Baekhyun! I fucking love you! No one can make me happy like you can. And yet, at the same time no one could hurt me as much as you do…I’m sorry for what I’ve done and I just want you back. What must I do to prove to you that I’m sorry? What must I do,…to get you back to me?” tears streamed down his distraught face, ”Look at what you’ve done to me, Baekhyun. Look at how much pain you’ve put me through. I love you too much, and I am not ready to lose you. Please don’t do this to me. Please.” Baekhyun’s eyes never leaving the deep unsightly cuts that marred along Chanyeol’s wrist.  
The teardrop that fell by the corner of Baekhyun’s eyes, couldn’t be unseen as he quickly turned away, his confidence slowly faltering before Chanyeol’s eyes. It was then, he knew the old Baekhyun that once cared and loved him was still there.

“I-I think you should l-leave.” 

“Look at me and tell me you don’t love me, Baekhyun. Tell me, that you no longer think about me, even for the slightest minute. Tell me, that you can erase whatever memories we had together and move on. Just say these to me, and I’ll walk away from your life.” Baekhyun’s eyes were wandering between his, and not a single syllable was uttered. Rather than answering, he opted to walk out the room, however, Chanyeol wasn’t about to let this end. He needed answers. Answers that could decide how our little story end. Things happened too quickly and he found himself pinning Baekhyun against the wall, as their lips met, tongues tangled with each other as they poured their emotions into the kiss. The kiss was far from being gentle as teeth clashed and their lower half of their bodies grinding against the other. They were getting lost in the sudden ecstasy rush and the longing for the other’s touch as all the pent up tension between them built up to be too much for either one of them to contain. The man before him, was slowly making it through the walls he have built for the past few months. The walls that were built to protect his already broken heart. But here he was, making out with the guy that was the cause of all that happened between them. Questions raced through his mind. He felt crushed and disturbed when he caught sight of the deep red glaring cuts along the wrist of the man before him; he had damaged the man thoroughly, breaking him into pieces. 

The bliss was short-lived as Baekhyun found the strength within him to stop the man before him to recollect his fogged up thoughts. Their lips red and swollen after the heavy make-out session was evidence that what happened between them wasn’t merely a fictional pretence their mind was playing, and their breaths were harsh against the others skin. Eyes tightly closed shut as he tried to calm the thundering beat of his heart and the blood that was rushing south. Chanyeol had his arms around the side of Baekhyun’s head, head hung low.

“I-I need to be alone. Please.” He felt the hot breaths slowly leaving his sensitive and heated skin, followed by the sound of the door clicking shut.

**_He still loved him._ **  


_“Baekhyun, have you ever thought that maybe, it’s about time you forgive him? It has been a year. Don’t you think Chanyeol had suffered enough pain? Honestly, you’ve put him through a lot for this entire year and if he was any other guy, he’ll walk out of that apartment and give up on this entire relationship in the first few months. You’ve got to give some credit to the guy, Baek.” Putting his pint of beer on the glass bar table. Baekhyun sat there silent, as he stared out onto the dancefloor, watching the group of younger lads and female, dirty dancing, enjoying the rest of their youths over the loud bass reverberating from the sound system. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I should do from here, how I should be treating him, how much more pain should I make him go through? Every single night, these questions keep on haunting me. Reasons why I can’t stay at the apartment any longer,…I need to move out and start a new life on my own, after the divorce that is.” “Baekhyun, do you still love him?” The silence between them in between the loud howling and blaring EDM music ensued. The answer was made clear, despite the lack of response from the latter. Minseok was utterly and beyond convinced that his best friend of 10 years that stood before him, the look of disorientation, was deeply in love with his husband. “I think you know the answer here my friend, for if you don’t, you’re just forcing yourself to be oblivious to your own god damned self.” “Shut up, you don’t know what you’re saying.” “Whatever floats your boat, Baekhyun.”_

Night came fast and the yellow-pink hues of the evening sky was blanketed ebony with the shy glow of the moonlight. The streets of Seoul was still bustling with the nightlife. The heavy trace of alcohol lingered in the air of Baekhyun’s closed room. As his stash of alcohol kept in the little white refrigerator stored at the corner of his dim lit room, depleted quickly. Mixed with the faint smoke that surrounded him in little white wisps, at every puff that was blown. It felt suffocating, an exact mirror of what he was feeling. Suffocated. Another drag from the cigarette, before leaning his head against the cool wall, letting the nicotine slowly tranquilize him into oblivion. Minutes of staring blankly at the white wisps that escaped his mouth at every blow, Baekhyun stubbed out the cigarette in between his fingers, watching the bright orange glow slowly dissipate into ashes. Staggering out of the room, Baekhyun tried to support himself by leaning his entire weight against the wall. Fingers slowly grasping the doorknob the led to Chanyeol’s room. However, he found himself staring at the door before him, his heart thumping loudly against his chest. It felt like an eternity, standing by the dark hallway, watching the door before him, thinking through his options.

“Fuck this.” Turning the knob, he watched as the view unfold before his eyes, the tall young lad lying on the bed they used to share, soft snores leaving his lips. Nothing in the room changed, things were placed at it normal positions, his clothes were hung and pushed to the corner of the wardrobe, just like how it used to be, with his clothes that once took up the other half of the space. The wooden planked floors warm. The bathroom light switched on to provide the soft glow of the light, for he knew Chanyeol wouldn’t sleep in utter darkness. Taking small teetering steps towards the bed, Baekhyun watched the sleeping figure, slowly stirring in his sleep. Soft brown eyes met his, and both their breaths hung in the stilled air. 

“Baekhyun? W-what…wh-“slender fingers hushed him, pressing into his lips gently.

“Always a light sleeper, aren’t you? You never changed.” Chanyeol caught a whiff of alcohol mixed with the smoke that clung to his white sweater as he watch him snicker, clearly amused. He was intoxicated.

“Baekhyun, you’re drunk.”

“You don’t say, Mr Obvious. And it’s all because of…you,” Shifting from his fixed position at the edge of the bed, Baekhyun clad in his white sweater and black boxers, hair ruffled into a mess, slowly but desperately hovered over Chanyeol, tilting his head into the nook of the latter neck, leaving light feathery kisses on the expand of the hot and flushed skin. ”if you weren’t stupid, we…we could have avoided all this. But, you just had to. You and your stupid mistakes.” Hot breaths abused the already flushed skin, as his lips ghosted over the expanse of the latter’s neck. 

“I’m sorry.” A deep grunt left Chanyeol’s lips after those two words were uttered as Baekhyun bit down lightly, leaving a purple bruise to slowly form along the pale skin. 

“Is that all you can say? That you’re sorry?” He chuckled lightly, leaning his forehead against the latter, as they listened to their slow deep breaths. A brief moment of solitude was all that they need as questions flooded their thoughts, the heavy sexual tension evident and lingering between them. Slowly, Baekhyun relent into his desires, as his walls completed collapsed, while looking into the eyes of his husband that laid below him. Eyes that were drowning with regret, and…love. He didn’t want to believe it, but he knew his partner too well. He knew, yet, all this while, he chose to be oblivious. The kiss was gentle, a soft light touch against his lips. His tongue traced along the lines that separates his husband’s lips. Events took a harsh turn as they found themselves caught in a heated exchange, grinding their crotch against each other finding solace at the touch of the other. The deep longing for the latter was conveyed through the need for sexual contact, even the slightest touch on heated flushed skin was enough to send him into hysteria. The moonlight shone across Baekhyun’s gentle features, capturing the still images of the beautiful being above him, as dirty grunts and moans left those plump lips. Teeth clashed against the other as he leaned it to capture the plump lips that send him to the edge of bliss. Fingers gripping tightly to the other already slightly damped t-shirt. Hands roamed against the soft milky skin of the man above him, movements hasty and desperate as they dry humped against the other, head tilted back, biting his lips hard in between his teeth as he allowed the pleasure to cloud his now hazy lust filled mind.

 

They were crossing that thin blurred line wedged in between their relationship. The slight push against the soft material of the sweater, was enough of a sign for Baekhyun to back off slightly halting all movements as he stared into the eyes of the man before him, lips pink from the heated kiss and hair perfectly fucked, eyes still laced with lust. The tips of his fingers traced down along the front of his t-shirt, tracing the toned upper body of the man before him, the apple of his throat dipped, gulping from the electrifying touches against the thin material. Under the influence of alcohol, Baekhyun felt needier. The bulge in between his legs pressed hard against Chanyeol’s crotch as he moved in a circular motion, teasingly, while his lips lingered along the latter’s jawline, nipping slightly at the skin.

“B-Baek, fuck, I-I need you to…s-stop.” Pressing his hands around Baekhyun’s hips to halt his movements.

“Please, Yeol. Don’t make me stop. I-I need you, tonight.” A tear drop escaped his corner of his eyes, hands hastily wiping away the stray tear drop on his cheeks. “Please.” Chanyeol’s palms that were pressed against the soft cashmere, slowly crept closer to clutch the sides of Baekhyun’s face, circling the soft cheeks with the pad of his thumb, watching as the latter leaned closer to the gentle touch with eyes closed and his breath hitched at the beauty of the man before him he once lost. The gentle touch and cautious movements of lips against lips, an array of emotions poured into the exchange. Hands lingered across the expanse of Baekhyun’s skin, as fingers gently brushed along the skin above the waistband of his boxers. Piece by piece, clothes were removed, both bare and exposed under the eyes of the other. Baekhyun shifted lower, giving kitten licks at the tip of Chanyeol’s cock, before engulfing it entirely, sucking his hollow cheeks in. Deep grunts left Chanyeol’s lips as he found himself buried further into the hot cavern of Baekhyun mouth, self-restraining himself from fucking into the mouth of his lover. Knuckles turned a pale shade of peach as he Baekhyun bobbed his head at a pace that sent his into a state of delirium, fingers tugging hard at the soft brunette locks. 

“B-Baekhyun, baby…” releasing himself from the already hard erection with a loud pop, licking his lower lips as he crawled up to meet the lips of his husband. Flipping their positions, so that Baekhyun was now beneath him, starring into his eyes, laced with lust and love, he couldn’t help himself but to appreciate the man before him, as he felt himself riding on a rollercoaster of emotions. For how much he had longed to touch and make him his once again. Not wanting to hurt the man before him, he reached out to the bedside drawers, rashly rummaging through it only to find the familiar tube that was left abandoned in the depths of the drawers for a long time, coating his digits with the cooling lube. Tracing his cool fingers along his lover’s torso, trailing towards the clenched hole, before circling them around, teasing the male before him. Fingers were entering him, while the other hand pumped his hard erection, as he watched the man writher in pleasure, hands tugging at his own lock as the pleasure overwhelm him. Three fingers were now pushed into him, the continuous jabs at his prostrate clouding his mind in a haze. Getting turned on at the sight of the abused hole clenching around air as he pulled out his fingers, was probably an understatement. 

“Baekhyun…are you sure about this? I-I don’t want us to be doing something we would regret the day after. I don’t k-know-“His words were cut off as lips pressed against his own, disrupting his train of thoughts for that brief second.

“You talk too much.” Soft chuckles echoed as he switched their positions, with Chanyeol leaning back against the soft futon bedsheets, expression caught between shock and confusion. Without much hesitation, Baekhyun positioned himself above the hard erection, slowly filling him as he pushed himself down. It seemed like an eternity since the last time he ever felt that satisfied and full, despite the countless one night stands he had over the past few months. His fingers pressing hard against Chanyeol’s chest as the rough and firm hands of his lover held him against his waist, steadying him from the high. 

“Easy there, baby.” Words uttered breathy and needy. He knew Chanyeol was holding himself back from going into a little frenzy. The way he was biting hard against his lower lip, till the soft muscle would turn a tint of red, or the way his head would roll back and leaned against the headboard, holding on to every last sanity he could grasp. Little actions like this all seemed too familiar to him. After a few seconds of getting used to the size, Baekhyun lifted his hips up, only to slam himself down at an angle, burying the erection deeper into himself. The once quiet room was now filled with erotic breathy moans and deep grunts accompanied by the sound of skin slapping against each other. Slowly losing their sanity as the seconds passed, falling deep into pleasure while matching their breaths. The hasty rolling of hips and movements, was putting Chanyeol on the edge as he thrust deep into Baekhyun, while his eyes were fixated against his husband, riding him with his eyes fluttering close. His eyes lingered lower to the silver band that was now wrapped around his slender finger. The metal band shining beneath the bare minimal light that shone through the white translucent curtains. Within that few minutes, it felt surreal. The feeling when the world stops around them, and they were the only two beings on earth, enjoying every second that had with each other. A tear fell across Baekhyun’s cheek for the third time that night, wetting his pale soft cheeks, as he rode on his high, cum spurting out across Chanyeol’s torso and the white sheets beneath them. Positions were switched as Chanyeol at a pace, seemed inhuman, slammed hard into Baekhyun’s prostate, soon found his release after a few deep thrust, head tilting back as he rode himself dry into Baekhyun’s now abused and red hole. 

“D-don’t leave. S-stay with me for the night. I still want to feel you; inside me.” A soft voice, tired and hesitant, was whispered into the silent night. Chanyeol found himself, falling gently to the side of the bed, still being connected to Baekhyun, while their eyes never left each other. Wrapping him arms across the small fragile figure by his side, he pulled his husband closer towards his own, embracing the warmth that the latter exuded. The small acts of intimacy, after their little deed was all they need to fill in that empty hole their hearts bore. Appeasing the pain they’ve accumulated over the past few months being apart. 

“I still love you, no matter how much I try not to. It’s frustrating, how much you affect me, Chanyeol.”….”Despite my desperate attempts to forget you, and the multiple one night stands I had, I couldn’t – couldn’t forget the way you touch me…kiss me, the look in your eyes, that crazy smile of yours. I’ve slept with many men ever since then, but all I could think of is; you. I didn’t picture their faces, rather, when I close my eyes, you’re all that I see.”…”You don’t know – don’t know how much you’ve hurt me, when I saw you that morning. And I thought I should make you feel that pain I’ve felt,” Baekhyun grabbed the arm that was wrapped in gauze, deep cuts and bruises lay beneath it. “This morning, when you walked into my room, and kissed me, I knew, who was I kidding to say that I didn’t love you? I was being dumb. I guess I got too carried away in my little act of hurting you, which I didn’t realise, was hurting myself too. I – I didn’t meant to…” Baekhyun was now sobbing as he hid his face against Chanyeol’s shoulders, fingers firmly pressed against his chest.

“Baby, look at me.” Slowly lifting Baekhyun’s head from his shoulder, and leaving a soft peck against his forehead, tracing them to his the tip of his nose, and down towards his lips. “I’m sorry for what I’ve done. If – if it weren’t for my mistake, none of this would have happened. Let’s now just put this behind us, and start anew,” His fingers latched around Baekhyun’s own slender ones, kissing the metal band lightly, ”I love you so much, Baekhyun. On our wedding day, I promised to be true to you in good times and bad, and in sickness and health, and to love and honour you for all the days of my life…and I shall stay true to what I’ve promised to you. I want to live a happy life with you, Baekhyun. I can’t bear to lose you. You’re – you’re too precious to me. I’ve spent half my life with you, and I plan to spend my entire lifetime with you, till death.”

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Mods' Notes: During the duration of BAE2016, we're kindly asking you to leave your reviews on [Livejournal](http://baeconandeggs.livejournal.com/27675.html). Thank you for reading!♥


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